Summer Time

I used to love summer time. Days were lazier and life was more fun. Now I think I just run around like a chicken with my head cut off. There is always so much to do and it seems like so little time to get it done. Vacation...who has time for that. Trying to get hubs and I the same days off is next to impossible and in the unlikely event that it does happen the kids probably have something scheduled. Maybe I need to take a mental health day off from work. I long for the days of playing with friends and sitting on the porch watching for fireflies at night or lying in the grass and watching for heat lightning. I guess I'm ultimately in control and I just need to make time for me a priority.

A little bit

There are days that I think will never end. The long days when hubs is gone and the kids are CRAZY. They get to me, the kids, the job, the schedule, the amount of work that needs to get done. I sometimes think that if there were 48 hours in a day that I could get it all done. Other times I think my never ending list is impossible to get done even in a year. I know I have it good, there are so many things I have to be thankful for but sometimes I just need to vent about the stuff I'm not thankful for. I wish someone had told me how hard it is to be in a relationship. Especially one where there is NO trust. Hubs had affairs. He may still be having them. I stopped looking. I don't trust him and I'm not sure I ever will again. It's been a long hard road. Looking back I wish I had left when I first found out. I think co-parenting would have been so much easier than living a lie. There are days that he says something to me and my inside voice says, "I hate you". I'm pretty sure that's not healthy for me. Of course there are days that I'm overwhelmed with everything going on and I think I hate being a mom. It's not that I hate being a mom, I hate being married and doing the parenting thing all. by. myself. and it seems that it happens all the time. I'm a sports kids mom, about 9 months of the year I live on the ball fields. The best thing is I have a little peace and quiet. The worst thing is I never have time to do anything else. I constantly feel like I am behind and will never catch up. I realize that I'm lucky though. I have two beautiful kids and I know that there are plenty of my friends who can't have kids. I have a job and a roof over my head and enough food to eat. Yeah, I'm lucky